Bad Reminder

Target Baby decided yesterday that I needed a reminder of what his infancy was like. At about 4:30, he stopped breathing. Thankfully, I was in the room and I turned around and looked at him. I grabbed him and blew in his face with no luck and immediately threw him across my knee and started pounding on his back. His eyes rolled up and back into his head and his arms shot out really oddly above his head. I kept pounding and looking at him and then started scanning the room for my phone to call 911. Then he finally started breathing. It was so scary. I really can't get the pleading look in his eyes out of my head. He just needed help. He pretty much then immediately fell asleep in my arms within minutes of starting to breathe again. I immediately called Target Man, who actually picked up his phone and was able to come right home. Then I called his pediatrician.
We aren't sure what happened. The pediatrician thinks its one of three things: First, he really could have been choking on something and instead of it coming up, it went down. Second, he could have been having a breath holding spell, maybe he hurt himself and I didn't see it. Third, it could have been a seizure. Either way, we are supposed to watch him and not push eating on him, which hasn't been a problem, he's been eating great.
I really don't think it was breath holding. The only time he passes out is after he gets hurt pretty badly and his face is usually in a silent scream pose. This was not that. Though obviously at the moment it crossed my mind or I wouldn't have blown in his face. Its horrible to think about, but I really hope he was choking and I just missed it. If he was choking, then it was a random accident, maybe he still had a piece of pop tart in his mouth from earlier, who knows, but it most likely won't happen again. And I really don't want this to happen again. So we hopefully will never know what happened.
Last night, I was a wreck, I just kept crying, and I didn't let him out of my sight or Target Man's. We did call our home teacher who came over and Target Man gave Target Baby a blessing. It was a good blessing that helped me to calm down, but I really wanted to hear, "he is fine, this will never happen again" something pretty much exactly those words, but apparently Heavenly Father wants me to have a little more faith. He also wants me to be at peace. That phrase, still this morning keeps coming to my mind, Be at Peace. So I'm working on staying calm, not freaking out anymore and trying to breathe normally if he walks into the other room. So we will see how the day goes.